I Need This Reminder Always….
Ace Frehley and The Ongoing Departure of My Childhood Heroes
Ace Frehley was my 1st guitar hero. Kiss was my first musical love. They were my 1st obsession. Kiss Alive was the 1st album I ever bought with my own money. It was the 1st album to hook me and haunt me. They filled my childhood, which was at that point filled with fear and anger, with excitement and joy.
My obsession for Kiss long since diminished but I’d be remiss if I didn’t honor the passing of Ace Frehley who passed away 16-Oct. 2025. His death does sadden me as yet another pivotal figure of my life moves on. He joins Ozzy, Eddie Van Halen, Jeff Beck, Neil Peart, Harold Budd, Vangelis, Lemmy, Prince, Tom Petty, David Bowie, Charlie Watts, Pete Way…and on and on…as people that meant so much to me, whom I never met but who contributed to memories and moments as real and as important and any attributed to my friends and family. Their departure from this life hits me in a very real way, perhaps not as acute as a loved one but no less real. Their departure is a reminder of the passage of time and a closing of a door to further contributions from their artistry to impact my life further. Yes, I still have the contributions from when they were alive and those contributions will live on in a way, but there will not be another Sabbath album or a VH show to go to, or an entertaining story about Ace Frehley. The door is now shut.
Thank you, Ace, for giving a scared, angry kid a joyous outlet that provided so much joy. May your soul be at peace.
Indeed….
How Have We Come to This?
This is a rhetorical question but also the title of a just-completed piece of music that will be part of a future album release, outlet to be determined. I hope to have enough pieces for an album release in 2026. Stay tuned….
As to the rhetorical question “How Have We Come to This?”, it is something I’m saying to myself more and more as I watch what I’ll call the myths of a stable society teetering and collapsing. I see the nightmare in Gaza playing out in what is by any definition a genocide and people being verbally eviscerated for being critical of the inhumanity on display. I see the predictable dichotomies and binary arguments that are always used to defend atrocity and historical injustices. I see power being exerted beyond what had long thought to have been “normal”, revealing the fragility of agreements that structure society. I see what I had hoped to have been archaic modes of thinking towards race and identify remerge, angrier and uglier than ever. I see all this and ask, “How Have We Come to This?”.
But surprisingly, I also have hope. It is not a flowery or sentimental hope. It is a hope based on something I really can’t properly describe as it is rooted as spiritually experiential. It is a hope born of prayer and meditation and not one that is unshakable. To be clear, I have great moments of fear and anger. I can experience despair with the best of them. But when I am deliberate in my prayer practice, I find hope that no matter how bad things get in the world (and I expect things to get much worse before they get better), there is still goodness. There is still kindness. There is still compassion. There is still love. That sounds flowery and perhaps it is. But I do believe that love prevails always. And I take solace in words of people I admire throughout history, like this guy….
Sound advice.
And more food for thought….
Ozzy!
On July 22, I shed tears for someone I never met for the 2nd time in my life. The 1st time was for Edward Van Halen (see previous posts). Of course, this most recent moment was for the passing of Ozzy Osbourne who was already on my mind with renewed, albeit nostalgic focus as a result of his very recent farewell concert on July 5th. I think many felt it was truly a farewell but were equally shocked that his death would be so soon afterwards.
I can’t do justice in memorializing Ozzy. Its clear by what has already been said by so many on Socials that I’m but one of many who feel like a dear friend has departed. I’ll just say that his life made a difference to mine. He wasn’t a saint, but he was inspirational.
God bless Ozzy Osbourne.
Empathy and The State of Play
The “state of play” in The United States is incredibly disheartening for me. Seemingly not too long ago, I was more optimistic about how we were going to evolve as a society and was not expecting so much anger to be evident in all walks of life. With so much negativity, I struggle to not be pessimistic.
One topic that came up recently that has fueled my skepticism is Empathy and how some voices have said that empathy has made people weak or has been used as an undermining tool. As background, here’s an interesting article from the NY Times. And here’s the definition of Empathy per Merriam-Webster
I was surprised to learn that the word itself first appeared in the English language in 1908. But, like so much of language, the meaning and its use is dynamic and evolving. That said, I’m pretty sure that most people understand the general meaning behind the word, even those that consider it a weakness, a flaw, or a sin. From where I stand, the debate about empathy is as big an indicator of the aforementioned state-of-play as it gets.
For what it’s worth, I believe empathy is a virtue and an admirable quality. I will be the 1st to admit that I am not the best practitioner of empathy and perhaps by only having good intentions without action is the actual sin. But I do try to be an empathetic and sympathetic person. I try to be of service to others. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t. But I have experience with being a selfish prick of a person to the detriment of both me and all I love. I have been the self-centered asshole who caused great harm to others because I was too focused on my own wants and needs and either didn’t realize or didn’t care that I was hurting people. Thankfully, by Grace and lots of work, I’m not that destructive person anymore. Again, I’m not perfect but I do know and have ample evidence that by having some level of empathy and acting accordingly has been MY saving grace.
I say all this not to participate in whatever ridiculous debate that is occurring. To be honest, if anyone reading this agrees with Elon Musk, Ben Garrett or anyone else that thinks empathy is bad, I don’t care. You do you. I can’t control what other people think or do. But I will say that I wholeheartedly disagree with the notion that the action of understanding and being sensitive to the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another is wrong.
My father would often say “There, but by the grace of God, go I…” which I came to understand as meaning that only the grace of powers he could not control separated him from someone in a worse state and, therefore, it was incumbent upon him to be empathetic and to lend a helping hand….which sounds suspiciously like The Golden Rule…hmmmm…Anyhow, I wish you peace and every good. – Alan
Update and Thoughts on Recent Music Listening
Hello:
I’m taking a brief break from tweaking a work-in-progress piece to let you know that….I’m working on a WIP piece and compiling music. Nothing firm but I’m thinking the next batch will be a Spotify/Pandora/Apple release in addition to Bandcamp. More to come…
Regarding some of the music I’ve been listening to, it’s been a combination of pleasant new (for me) discoveries mixed with nostalgic “rabbit holes”.
1st, the nostalgia. Two weeks ago, Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath bid farewell to performance with an amazing celebration in their hometown of Birmingham, England. It was an all-star affair which was fantastic, but the emotional weight was, of course, seeing Ozzy, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward take the stage one final time (and I do believe this is their farewell, especially Ozzy who is in failing health). I was reminded of all the great Sabbath and Ozzy albums that were so integral to my youth. I’ve been dialing up “Diary of a Madman”, “Bark at the Moon”, Volume 4, and other great albums that cause memories and emotions to rush into my mind. I’m grateful to have been of the generation to have experienced such greatness both live and recorded. God bless the Fathers of Heavy Metal.
As for the more recent discoveries:
JakoJako – Tết 41: A brilliant collection of music by a Berlin-based modular synthesist that I’ve really come to admire. She brings an emotional element to electronic music which is not common.
Caterina Barbieri – Patterns of Consciousness: An Italian electronic musician who also adds emotional elements to electronic music. There are some rhythmic elements to her music that don’t feel mechanically perfect or quantized to the nano-second, which I love.
In any case, thank you for your interest and check back for more updates. I wish you peace and every good.
Alan
Behind the Titles of “I Wasn’t Ready”
As with all my music, titles are a little tricky in that I’m an instrumentalist. Without lyrics, there isn’t a point of reference for a title to come from. And unlike some instrumentalists that I admire, I don’t come up with a title before the composition. Quite the opposite actually. I will start a recording file by giving it a time stamp name (e.g. 240512). On occasion, a piece will lend itself to a name while I’m working on it but, more often, the title will come to me when the piece is near completion. It is almost always informed by an emotion or memory that was prevalent at the time of the piece’s creation.
The pieces that comprise the album “I Wasn’t Ready” were assembled over years. Some were recordings I left undone due to another idea taking precedence or I got stuck.
With all that said, here’s a brief explanation of the titles:
- “I Wasn’t Ready” – This piece, upon completion, reminded me of the memory of both my late father and my late sister, both of whom died within 18 months of each other. While it’s been a few years now since their passing, there is still (and will always be) grief. I shall always miss them, but it dawned on me that I was not prepared for the pain of their absence and that struck me as odd, in a way. The one thing we all have in common is death. We will all die. We will all lose loved ones. And yet we are so woefully prepared.
- “It Ends and Begins” – This is one of those pieces that sat for a while. I started it in 2021, put it down, and didn’t get back to it until 2024. When I did return to it, I felt like a different world. A reminder that things are not static.
- “Melancholic” – This piece came together quickly and was reflective of the melancholic mood I was in at the time.
- “A Budding” – Another piece that sat for a while. I was not in the best of moods when I started it. I was angry, sad, disgusted. But, having put it down for a while and coming back to it with clean ears and emotions, I saw the initial period as being a period of new beginning born out of a very unpleasant moment.
- “Grace Amongst the Haze” – When this piece was done, it conjured up a memory of Northern California and the beauty that came with the summer fog.
- “Where the Waters Meet” – This was inspired by a return trip to my Northern California home region in 2023 and, specifically, Jenner where the Russian River flows into the Pacific Ocean. I was there with my wife, daughters, grandson, and was reminded of the time, in 1988, when I was walking at the same spot with my father.
- “An Ugly Truth Revealed” – This was recorded at the end of 2024 very quickly. I had just come back from overseas and it felt like the country I had hoped we would be was an overly optimistic illusion and some unpleasant truths were confirmed for all to see.
As always, I thank you for your support. Cheers.
